I use to think higher levels of education were untouchable for me. I never thought I would have the funds or the brains to succeed.
I applied on a whim to Marquette University in April for their master’s program in School Psychology. I knew I wanted to go back to school for my masters eventually, but it was more of a dream.
The day after the Peace Corps notified me that they were not sending anyone abroad due to COVID-19, I received an email from my professor for Saint Norbert College. The email said Marquette University would award a scholarship to graduates who wanted to pursue a master’s degree in School Psychology. I am saddened to say I doubted myself. My first thought was that Marquette University wouldn’t accept me, but after some convincing and encouragement from my mom, I thought I’d give it a shot. Within two weeks, I turned in all my paperwork, had two interviews with the department head, and received my scholarship and acceptance letter. The support of my family during this time was unbelievable.
Now I have completed my first month of school, and I genuinely believe I am where I am supposed to be. However, the first week was rough. The significant difference between an undergrad degree and a graduate degree is the amount of reading. Most of the time, professors do not take the time to go over the assignments. During class time, my classmates and professors discuss or apply what we read. I am fortunate still to have two classes in person and only one online. Marquette’s COVID cases have not been significate enough to stop in-person courses. Beyond the amount of work I have each day, I think the most challenging part of this degree is the content. I am not struggling with quizzes, tests, or papers. What I am struggling with is the amount I am reflecting on myself while reading. A lot of what I am doing involves reflecting on my mental health. My professors say that if I want to counsel others in positive wellness lifestyles, I have to lead a healthy lifestyle. I would be lying if I said I haven’t cried while doing my homework. There have been many tears, and more then I’d like to admit. The incisions are a result of me realizing I need to work on my mental health.
Many things have affected my mental health. Overworking myself, thinking about life after school, family, relationships, and how I view myself are just a few areas where I can improve. These areas are always changing, but this program helps me realize that my feelings are valid; however, I need to do something about it. I use to correlate people who were not strong to be the ones that needed counseling or therapy. I concluded that I felt weak as a child going to counseling and knew I was incapable of dealing with my emotions, thoughts, and life. However, I grew up and went to college and had great conversations with family members and close friends about their counseling experiences. The person who made the most significant impression on me with the counseling profession was my mother. My mom is the strongest person I know. When she opened up to me about her experience with counseling, my view on counseling changed. It was a humbling moment for me. I concluded that strength had nothing to do with counseling, but in a way, it does, but not the way I thought. It takes a strong person to realize they are currently feeling weak and need help.
One of my professors recently asked, “why do you want to be with someone in their pain?” Honestly, I do not have one right answer. Goodness, the amount of times I have typed an answer and deleted it is a great indication that I have no idea. I guess a moment I keep thinking about was a few years ago when someone I cared a lot about was going through a world of pain. This person told me I wasn’t a good listener and that I was talking too much. That upset me. Because I think about that comment all the time, but I guess that many people have felt that way. People may try to confide in another when they are hurting, but the person they are talking to can’t just listen. I want to be that person that listens. Listening is so powerful, and I wish a few years ago, I was better. Overall, if someone trusted me enough, I would be honored to be with them in their pain.